What Do These Seven Words Mean to You?

I've got a story for you this week. It's a short story, a sentence really.  Actually, I'm not even sure if it counts as a sentence. It's 7 words. But in those seven words, we have an amazing opportunity to understand a massive change we can help to bring to the world to make it a better place. Every single one of us can help. Are you ready?

Here goes. (Please be aware that this post explores fat-shaming and could be triggering.)

As I was out and about last week I saw a *group of people* sitting together and sharing a meal.  There were all size bodies present at the table. Big bodies and small bodies, young and old, a variety of genders, all one race and all from the same family.

One person was expressing their frustration with a public figure.  And what they said was "He's such a fat…..I hate him."

Now - I didn't leave anything out of what they said, there weren't more words in place of the dots above.  They didn't even describe their subject other than to say that he was fat and they hated him. So apparently the word fat was enough to fully paint a picture for everyone there of how distasteful and disgusting and deserving of hate this person must be. I mean, we all must understand the meaning if the speaker doesn't even need any other words to describe their subject, right?

Now mind you, there were fat people present at the table. And I couldn't help but wonder -  what were they thinking?

This comment is an example of something we need to address and change in our culture. This comment points us all in the direction of some important work we are here to do.

The work is two-fold.  It's a both/and situation.

First, for the fat people in the audience who felt shame, the work is about exploring and creating a sense of safety and self-love, and worthiness within your own body.  The work is knowing that it's not you that is the problem, it's a problem with how our culture has been conditioned to view fat people. Fat-shaming may still hurt but we won’t add to our pain by agreeing with it.

For the fat people in the audience who didn't feel any shame - bravo! Because you shouldn't.  And at the same time, if you thought this statement was ok then yikes! That statement was not at all ok! You too could benefit from some work in becoming more aware of your internalized fatphobia.

For all people at the table, if you think that it’s ok to use the word fat in hate speech, well, then you all have some work to do. In truth, I don’t think the comment even registered - which means that many people are unaware of the harm they can do with their language.

So for everyone who's ears didn’t perk up when they heard the word fat being used in this way, the work here is becoming aware of the language that we use and understanding how we have been taught to equate certain words and ideas and concepts in ways that are harmful and untrue.

Many of us have been taught that being fat means being lazy, disgusting, or unworthy for starters. I could probably go on and on, assigning all kinds of negative states to the word fat because that is what we have been conditioned to believe. There are cultural reasons, economic reasons, social reasons, historical reasons, scientific reasons, and more for this way of thinking and you could write a Ph.D. dissertation on how this came to be. It's complex.

All you need to know is that fat alone means none of those things.

Would you assign those words to your mother, grandmother, friend, or loved one who is in a bigger body?

No.  Because of course, we don't equate those words with people that we love.

Looks like there is an easy solution - do you see what I’m pointing at?

Specifically, what needs to change in the world is the equating of fat with negative qualities that may or may not be true for a person and has nothing to do with the size of someone's body.  People can be horrible and terrible humans in all sized bodies.

As a collective, we need to examine and challenge our language and expand our awareness of the assumptions we are making and the stereotypes we are choosing to promote and promulgate.

We have all been conditioned to have opinions when it comes to people's appearance and that's all we have - opinions. None of it is fact.

The collective needs awareness, healing, and more love. As I suggested above, when there is love, we don't equate body size with negative characteristics. And even if you don't like someone with a bigger body, don't make it about their body size.

The inner work we have to do is similar. To give yourself more healing and love and know that the collective is messed up and it needs to change. There is nothing wrong with you. 

There is our solution, plain and simple! LOVE. The invitation is to practice more love and acceptance for ourselves and for people around us in this world. We are all connected and we are all one. What you think of one person affects us all.

As I sat there and heard this very short piece of the conversation, I marveled at two things - wow, some people really don't know what they are saying, and wow - I didn't just take that statement and turn it against myself! Who hoo!

For once I felt no shame in the statement and that was noteworthy progress on my path. Years ago, I would have turned those 7 words into something to flagellate myself with for hours and days and turn into the next greatest plan to change myself so I would never have to feel the shame of someone's fatphobic comment again.

Or I would have been really mad at the speaker. But I know that people usually don’t mean any harm, they simply don’t know what they are saying and that is what I want to help change.

I don't have to feel shame no matter what the status of my body size is, because my body is my business and I know I am worthy and lovable. I also know that everyone on the planet has unique and important gifts to share.  Sometimes the size of someone's body even helps them share their gifts.

What a loss and a limitation it would be to think that all gifts come in the same sized package.

Let's all look beyond the box that we have put ourselves in and expand our horizons and vow to never judge someone's appearance or compare ourselves to anyone else from this day forward.

Are you with me?

I had something like this in mind:

"Up until today, I was not aware of the power of my thoughts and my words and the impact it has on my body and the collective body. From now on, I commit to using words of love and compassion when speaking about my appearance or other people's appearance and I vow to stop judging and comparing myself to others. Please open my eyes and allow me to see the beauty of the world with all its unique bodies, each one with its own important gifts and talents to share with others, and show me how I can be in service to love."

How's that sound? 

If we could keep working on these very simple practices; awareness, non-judgment, love, and compassion, what a wonderful world it would be.

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of my family so they don't get mad that I used them as an example.

Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay